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Emotional Change and Adjustment during Motherhood

Lovemaking

Mothers are treated as if her life will come back to normal after she has her baby. As if the adjustments to a new way of life are not in consequence at all. And what is she to think? A well–supported mother will bond better, love more deeply, and be better able to distinguish the needs of her child from her own. Good care frees her to develop as an individual, it gives her a healthy foundation on which to base her social interactions and contributions. Her child reaps the benefits of security and respect for its own process of growth. Yes, care of new mothers assures survival of the species, but more than that, it positively affects a culture’s quality of life.

When a woman is neglected and not taken care of during this period the effects are long term and can reflect in the future. Even though we have noted oxytocin’s ability to buffer stress, there are definitely limits. If a woman is forced out of bed or back to work too soon, overproduction of adrenaline will severely inhibit recovery. Women are not intended to give birth in the bushes and jump back on their horses. The notoriously high incidence of postpartum depression in the United States has frustrated biological needs at its root. Without adequate rest, recuperation is grueling and prolonged, and sex is the last thing on a woman’s mind.

On a practical level, she will experience a loss of income if she takes maternity leave, with a probable drop in her standard of living. More significantly, her temporary loss of energy and resourcefulness may seem all but permanent unless she receives assistance. Chronic fatigue–really very common postpartum– may link to other losses and lead to depression. Women in this phase are fragile, vulnerable, impressionable, and still quite sensitive from giving birth. Well–meaning but misguided advice sinks deep, criticism is not easily forgotten.

Yet another aspect in a woman’s recovery has to do with how well she has bonded to her baby. Animals thus separated respond in classic ways: the newborn creature will bond with whatever is available (even another species, or something mechanical), and the mother will reject her young if later reintroduced. This is powerful genetic programming meant to ensure survival. But for a mother if she happens to have someone care for the baby, the diapers, bathe and play with she looses out on the entire process. This in itself is a process which she has to experience in order to bond completely.

So now back to the question of “Does a woman feel the need for sex at the postpartum period?” At the most basic level, the key to sexual health and happiness in this phase has to do with the mother recognizing her new self, working out her birth experience, accepting her changed role, and then deepening her attachment to her baby. If she is able to do all this, she will generally return to her partner with great enthusiasm. There are certain practical considerations regarding sex at this time, but ultimately, sex postpartum is not about timing and technique any more than it is at any other phase of a woman’s life.

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