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Recapturing Intimacy

Ideally, intimacy is not interrupted or in any way lost in the process of giving birth. But there is change, as we have discussed, and sometimes a couple must work to reestablish closeness and trust. This means talking about sex, communicating hurt, fears, and desires more openly than ever. With a baby around, it also means making the effort to be emotionally and sexually available to one another, even when not fully in the mood. It means picking up wherever the two of you left off, even though days may intervene, keeping closeness in heart and deed.

Madhuri reports:
Rajesh and I never had sex anymore. He would keep pushing me and I would lash out and refuse. Eventually one day he broke down and told me how much he missed me and missed our closeness. I then realized how much I had been ignoring him and not seeing to his needs at all. While we were talking one thing led to another and we started having sex. It wasn’t perfect (because the baby had to be fed ) but it was real.

When the feeling is ultra–real, sex becomes even better, and that’s what it was. We not only got closer but we reached a new level of intimacy. Now Rajesh and I include sex in our regular routine and we are extremely happy and secure. “Lets get it on” a few tips to keep the passion burning

Have some ritual in your sex life.
Choose a night once a week to have dinner, wine, and a video after the baby is asleep, then have sex right there on the floor, on the couch, in the spare bed, or wherever takes your fancy. Even if you are interrupted and can’t resume, you know another special evening is only a week away.

Get out
Find a good babysitter willing to commit herself to a certain night each week. Choose someone you know and trust or seek recommendations from friends. It makes a difference to go out on a regular basis: the benefits build up. Once out, you will tend to talk mostly about the baby, but try to talk about yourselves, too.

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