Layman’s Medical Glossary

Antibody	Against everyone
Artery	The study of the paintings.
Bacteria	Back door to a cafeteria.
Caesarean section	A district in Rome.
Cardiology	Advance study of poker playing.
Cat scan	Searching for lost kitty.
Chronic	Neck of a crow.
Coma	Punctuation mark.
Cortisone	Area around local court.
Cyst	Short for sister.
Diagnosis	Person with slanted nose.
Dilate	The late British Princess Diana.
Dislocation	In this place.
Duodenum	Couple in blue jeans.
Enema	Not a friend.
Genes	Blue denim.
Hernia	She is close by.
Impotent	Distinguished/ well known.
Labour pain	Hurt at work.
Lactose	People without toes.
Lymph	Walk unsteadily.
Microbes	Small dressing gown.
Obesity	City of Obe.
Pacemaker	Winner of Nobel peace prize.
Proteins	In favour of teens.
Pulse	Grain.
Pus	Small cat.
Red blood count	Dracula.
Tablet	Small table.
Ultrasound	Radical noise.
Urine	Opposite of you’re out.
Varicose	Very close.
Barium	What you do when CPR fails
Cesarean Section	A district in Rome
Colic	A sheep dog
Congenital	Friendly
Dilate	To live long
GI Series	Baseball games between teams of soldiers
Hangnail	A coat hook
Medical Staff	A doctor’s cane
Minor Operation	Coal digging
Morbid	A higher offer
Nitrate	Lower than the day rate
Node	Was aware of
Organic	Church musician
Outpatient	A person who has fainted
Protein	In favor of young people
Secretion	Hiding anything
Tumor	An extra pair
Varicose Veins	Veins which are very close together

Aarogya Humor

One of our aarogyan was recently down with FLU. Since we are dealing with a health portal the aarogyan decided to use his health knowledge to cure himself. So he went to the Drugstore and bought himself Fludac as a medication for FLU.

You must be thinking what’s funny in the whole issue?
Actually Fludac is an Antidepressant which is used for Depression not a medication for FLU as our dear aarogyan thought it to be…

Cartoon



Doctor Jargon

What He Says!	What He Means!
This should be taken care of right away.	“I’d planned a trip to Hawii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before the trip itself”.
Welllllll, what have we here…	Since he hasn’t the foggiest notion of what it is, the Doctor is hoping you will give him a clue.
“We’ll see”	“First I have to check my malpractice insurance”.
“Let me check your medical history”.	“I want to see if you have paid your last bill before spending any more time with you”.
“Why don’t we make another appointment later in the week”.	“I’m playing golf this afternoon” or “I need the money, so I’m charging you for another office visit”.
“We have some good news and some bad news”.	The good news is he’s going to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is you’re going to pay for it
“I’d like to prescribe a new drug”.	“I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea”.
“If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call”.	“I don’t know what the hell it is. May be it will go away by itself”.
“That’s quite a nasty looking wound”.	“I think I’m going to throw up”.
“This should fix you up”.	“The drug salesman guaranteed that it kills all symptoms”
“There is a lot of that going around”.	“My God, that’s the third one this week. I’d better learn something about this”.