Ideally, intimacy is not interrupted or in any way lost in the process of giving birth. But there is change, as we have discussed, and sometimes a couple must work to reestablish closeness and trust. This means talking about sex, communicating hurt, fears, and desires more openly than ever. With a baby around, it also means making the effort to be emotionally and sexually available to one another, even when not fully in the mood. It means picking up wherever the two of you left off, even though days may intervene, keeping closeness in heart and deed.

Madhuri reports:
Rajesh and I never had sex anymore. He would keep pushing me and I would lash out and refuse. Eventually one day he broke down and told me how much he missed me and missed our closeness. I then realized how much I had been ignoring him and not seeing to his needs at all. While we were talking one thing led to another and we started having sex. It wasn’t perfect (because the baby had to be fed ) but it was real.

When the feeling is ultra–real, sex becomes even better, and that’s what it was. We not only got closer but we reached a new level of intimacy. Now Rajesh and I include sex in our regular routine and we are extremely happy and secure. “Lets get it on” a few tips to keep the passion burning

Have some ritual in your sex life.
Choose a night once a week to have dinner, wine, and a video after the baby is asleep, then have sex right there on the floor, on the couch, in the spare bed, or wherever takes your fancy. Even if you are interrupted and can’t resume, you know another special evening is only a week away.

Get out
Find a good babysitter willing to commit herself to a certain night each week. Choose someone you know and trust or seek recommendations from friends. It makes a difference to go out on a regular basis: the benefits build up. Once out, you will tend to talk mostly about the baby, but try to talk about yourselves, too.


Make cooking and housework as easy as possible.
If you ever planned to treat yourself to hired help, now is definitely the time. Buy a slow cooker, Dutch oven, or microwave for meals that practically cook themselves. Many birth practitioners recommend that a pregnant woman line up dinner preparation for the first week’s postpartum from all those who have offered assistance (particularly if they want to come and see the baby). Or, you can cook casseroles and soups in advance and freeze as much as possible.

Develop a sense of humor
If you don’t have one already, you will definitely need it in the years ahead. Let your troubles roll off your shoulders. Joke around with your partner, your kids, yourself. Call good friends for a chat and some silliness. Let your heart be light, and look on the bright side of difficult situations.

Try not to burden your partner with grim realities, at least not on the emotional level. If you can translate these into specific needs, okay, but otherwise forget it. Take responsibility for your feelings. Find other women to talk to for solace and inspiration.

Know that this wild and crazy time will pass
Keep the long–term view in mind, plan your first weekend (or week long) getaway with pleasure, and keep the faith. Finally, it’s important to note that against all the odds, a fair number of women feel their sexual understanding and power greatly enhanced by giving birth. Some have orgasms for the first time in their lives. This is probably because birth partners a woman primarily with herself; the particulars of letting go and surrendering come ultimately from within her. Especially if she has been buffeted around by male needs, desires, and opinions about sex, this can come as quite a revelation.

As Cassie says
“I never had orgasms like I did after giving birth. When I was pushing my daughter out, I got more than connected to my vaginal muscles: I became them. My strength was incredible, my timing exquisite. Before, when I made love it was me up here, vagina down there. But now my consciousness and intelligence are fully inside me. I’m not afraid to do or try anything with my body; its power belongs to me. Once you’ve let go giving birth, letting go with sex can take you to places you’ve never dreamed of”.