A major concern women have about resuming sex is whether or not they will still be satisfactory in bed, whether there will be adequate tone in the vaginal muscles to bring the accustomed pleasure. Usually, some tone is lost at delivery, although breastfeeding naturally helps to restore it. And pelvic floor exercises can be started as early as day one. These aren’t particularly easy at first ,but often they feel more natural and effective if done while breastfeeding. There are two basic movements: one, a longitudinal stroking motion within the vagina as if one were caressing a soft fruit and squeezing out the juice, the other, a quick, snapping movement lower down, near the vaginal opening. These should feel challenging but stimulating and pleasurable.

And there is nothing wrong with putting fingers inside to check effectiveness and progress. The use of these movements is actually part of both Tantric and Kundalini traditions whereby women trigger the flow of energy up the spine and throughout the body to enliven awareness and promote well–being. These movements also occur naturally with orgasm, thus sex itself is a great way to re–tone the vagina.

Sheila’s experience:
"Rahul and me were very busy after we had our baby. He would take the baby out for a stroll while I was undergoing tests. He would talk to the doctors regularly and was as much involved as the doctor, me and the baby put together. We were exhausted when we came back home. But the urge was too much to deny. We were so close during the pregnancy and shared this intimate bond that it was amazing to feel so connected and whole with another person. The sex was great and I was inhibited and shy and kept feeling like I was loose but Rahul kept saying that I felt warm and moist that I finally let go of all my self consciousness. I bled a little after intercourse but the experience was worth it.

This brings us to yet another area of concern, that of sleeping arrangements for the baby. In the last few decades, family sleeping (baby or children in bed with the parents) has seen a surge of popularity. Reports from those who have tried this are somewhat mixed but basically positive. At least in the beginning, having the baby in bed can help the mother get more sleep; often she will be able to nurse without fully awakening (the risk of rolling on top of the baby has proven to be nothing more than myth). And increased skin–to–skin intimacy has emotional benefits for both parents and child. However, if it gets to the point where dad is off sleeping in a separate bed, it’s time to reconsider the arrangement.

So how does this work in terms of sex? It depends on the age of the child, if yours is still an infant and you find yourself interrupted in the middle of something sweet, you can probably continue and get away with it. Many women report the stop–gap solution of nursing the baby while making love: an odd juggle of maternal and passionate emotions, but ultimately practical.

Ultimately, new parents make do. They become creative, seeking out times and places to share their intimate moments with each other.In the same vein, it is important to be realistic about sex in this phase: it’s not going to be like it was before. How could it be with constant interruptions, fatigue, the stress of making do (if only temporarily) with one income, or the opposite stress of being separated from the baby if both parents feel they must work? Let’s face it–this is not one of those honeymoon times in a couple’s life when sex is a breeze. This needn’t cause panic if you take a broad view. That is what marriage and partnership is all about: the long–term view. It is great to be able to get it together enough to initiate new life, but that is just the beginning. When we start having sex to learn and grow, when we can engage without expectation and with the maturity to take from sex whatever we find, we have entered another stage of sexual development. Postpartum naturally initiates this evolution.