How to Overcome Psychological Problems?
People often blame their destiny or their past for anything unpleasant that occurs in their life. Here are a few steps on how to take charge of your life, suggested by Sangita Thakur, psychologist and hypnotherapist. It may sound unreal but it is a fact that you can run your life if you really want to. Running your life means taking charge or control of it and trying to achieve what you aimed at achieving in life.
It also means trying to take control of the sad moments–working towards reducing frustration, depression, rejection and handling failures in life.
After finishing her graduation, Babita S was completely confused. She did not know what to do next. She could not decide whether she wanted to get married, work or continue her studies. If it was marriage, then she could not make up her mind about the kind of man she wanted to get married to–should he be loving, handsome or rich? If she decided to work, she would get confused about the kind of job she wanted to do, how to look for one, and/or whether she would enjoy working. Similar types of questions about studies would also arise in her mind. In order to get rid of her confusions, she came to the clinic for help. Within two months she was able to take charge of her life.
Rama T is 14 years old. Her parents often have arguments and keep on blaming her for it. Her mother often nags and screams at her, without any reason. She even threatens to kill herself if the daughter does not behave according to her wishes. Her parent’s behavior made the girl lose her self–confidence, remain aloof, depressed, suspicious and aggressive. She approached the clinic and within a period of five months she could run her life smoothly. It is not easy to start running your life but it is also not difficult to do so as long as you are ready to take the facts into consideration.
Below are some tips to run your life which have to be followed in serial order:
Know thyself
Know what and who you are. For example are you selfish, moody, have adequate intelligence, a strong personality etc? Also try to analyze why you behaved in a particular way in a situation. This will help you understand yourself in a much better way. Also, be aware of the positive (strengths) and negative (weaknesses) aspects of your personality. Do not always try to overcome your weaknesses, as it is not always possible to do so.
Be aware of yourself
Be aware of your feelings, desires, thoughts; how you eat, walk and talk. For instance when you walk, do you take big steps or do you move your arms. While conversing with another individual try to be aware of your tone, how loud your voice is, the style of speaking, yours as well as the individual’s facial expressions and reactions to the conversation. Such awareness during a conversation would avoid misunderstandings or if they occur, knowledge of the occurrence will make you overcome them.
An important point to note is that being aware of yourself is not being conscious of yourself. This can be explained with the help of an example. You are walking in a college campus where students are standing in groups. If you are conscious of yourself then you would notice whether your outfit, hairstyle and walking style is perfect. In trying to make yourself look better, you often become fidgety and are under tension. On the other hand if you are aware, you just know that you are walking past a group of students and as such there is no tension. Further, in being aware of yourself, when you realize with time the mistakes you have made, you try to control them..
Being aware of your emotions
In being aware of yourself, you should also be aware when you become depressed, jealous, aggressive, frustrated and confused. You should also be aware of the degree of emotions expressed, why you are feeling a particular way i.e. the cause, how they are expressed and how they cause harm to you and to others. Once you are aware of the whys and how’s of your feelings, then you should work with them i.e. try to reduce or overcome them especially the negative emotions. Following are some of the ways to overcome negative emotions.
Autosuggestion
It means suggesting to yourself, what you should or should not do. The suggestion should be given at least six times a day for a week or longer depending on the degree of the negative emotion expressed and severity of the problem. Following are a few lines which Rama told herself on a particular day when she was in a low mood. “I will stay happy and make others happy. I have to be strong and practical and not let others ruin my life”. Autosuggestion can also stand for concepts like learning to develop a positive attitude towards life, overcoming traits like impatience and laziness. Find the cause of expressing negative emotions and then overcome it by solving the problem.
Evaluate
Find out the whys and how’s of feeling low, taking into consideration others’ points of view as well as facts. Analyze the situation in a positive way. You meet with an accident but escape unhurt: The cause was your reckless driving.
It is a well–known saying that ’marriages are made in heaven’, but though the person whom you get married to might be a stranger, whether the marriage will survive or not is not a matter of destiny. It is the effort made by the couple to make the marriage a success: The fact is no one is hurt. Both are at fault. So end the argument quickly which is a positive conclusion.
You should always take facts into consideration and accept the reality. Some of the facts are:
- Everyone has to die one day or the other.
- Every human being has to go through successes and failures in life.
- Every human being is unique in his/her own way. For instance, if, for a change, things do not happen your way even though you have worked hard and you feel depressed, take the second fact into consideration and take charge of your life instead of ruining it further.
Plan steps to achieve your goal once you have mastered the earlier stages to about 60 per cent. Move towards taking charge of your life by planning your goals. The goal can be anything from getting a job, getting married or becoming successful in your profession or achieving small goals like losing weight, organizing some function or asking your boss for a raise. While moving towards your goal, do take into consideration the role of destiny, where things happen because they have to happen.
If you move with your life following the steps given above, it could be said that you are become the boss of your life. No cyclone can ever blow you away, and you will always remain happy even though you have to cross the roughest and toughest paths to reach your goal.