Apparently, there are some people in the world who seem destined to lead a life of pain, sorrow and suffering. They try their best but somehow things don’t seem to work for them. There is total chaos and darkness in their lives. That’s how the struggle begins, a tug of war, whether to fight or surrender. If there is no solution to their problem, many become negative. Sometimes, it drives the individual to suicide. I have gone through it all. Yet, now, I am convinced I want to lead a positive and successful life.
I am a middle class housewife. After my marriage, I had three daughters. The eldest, Smita, is mentally disabled. Of course, I came to know about it after two to three years of her birth. My second daughter is smart and active. The third one, Sujata, is sane and sober but, after a few years, she began to suffer from chronic depression.
I do not remember how the problem started. After years of analysis, I came to know about the roots of her depression. Right from her childhood, her father i.e. my husband used to teach her. He was very gentle with her. Ultimately, she began to depend totally on him and seemed to lose her own ability to think independently. That, I would imagine eventually led to the problem of depression she developed.
She lost her confidence. She was not able to think independently, which worsened the situation. Her father used to beat her or scold her, if she was not able to meet his expectations from her. While her friends played outside, she preferred to stay indoors. Gradually, she became a loner. Finally, I had to ask my husband to leave her alone. But, it seemed to be too late. I could not understand her problem and found myself incapable of handling it.
By the time she entered college, her symptoms associated with depression began to manifest themselves. She started falling sick frequently. She had to switch from one college to another owing to severe financial constraints. Gradually, she became less communicative and clammed up. Strangely, she began to spend a long time in the bathroom. Finally, I took her to a psychiatrist.
I helped slightly to begin with. However, her problem kept coming back. As she neared her graduation from college, she joined a computer institute. She also took up a job and managed both work and studies together. Everything seemed to work just fine for a while. Finally, as she approached her exams, she had an attack of depression again. We tried various forms of treatment but to no avail. We permitted the doctor to try ECT and admitted her to the hospital. Doctors then told us frankly they were helpless. There came a stage when we had to feed her and escort her to the bathroom.